i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
