he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
