this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't deserve a penis
You need a sexual gate keeper
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
