I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
