Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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