um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
