She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
