You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
