That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
