i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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