can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
