But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
