Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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