you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
