Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
