last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ketchup is God's man juice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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