New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
