In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
