Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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