If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
