I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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