I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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