# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
