Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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