Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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