Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
