I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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