we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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