I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
