Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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