Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was not drunk enough for that final.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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