When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
