Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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