she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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