i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
