Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
