Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
