We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
