Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
