addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
