So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
