when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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