you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
MIDGETS
????
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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