I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
