I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
