so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
