Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
