I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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