so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
