Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
