So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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