my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
