Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
